You know what’s impressive? Club kids and their commitment to perpetually appear as though they are in last night’s attire. Oh, that’s my theory re: what happened at noon’s showing for cool kid cult label, Hood by Air. Apparently the show took place on MILK’s second floor, but it felt more like a recent shadowy GHE20 G0TH1K party at Santo’s Party House sans cigarette smoke and spilled cocktails. The check-in wait was just as worrisome as the coat-check line at Santo’s, and a drink or three could’ve aided the anxiety.

Besides every VFILES and Opening Ceremony employee, the circus of famous below-14th-street types included the man-behind-the-meat-dress, Nicola Formichetti, and his pint-sized pupps, Tank and Bambi, (the same furry nuggets Kim Kardashian has Instagrammed and who boast more Twitter followers than us). In a brilliant branding move, they bounced around in Formichetti’s custom-designed Nicopanda Mugler bag. The Holy Grail of eccentricity, an all-white-clad, duh, Terrence Koh, also graced HBA’s presence, which is of the utmost importance if you ask me. Koh is downtown’s answer to Anna Wintour, you feel me? Allow me to point out that they both share a front-row ritual for hiding behind their sunnies and being mute. I’d personally be terrified to dare to look either of them in the eye for a fear of crumbling into street slush.

As for the show… it was definitely a show. I almost felt guilty that there wasn’t an admission price for such a production. I mean, there was heavy use of a dry ice machine. There was a pulsating soundtrack created by Arca that may or may not have resulted in me craving MDMA for lunch, with a personal highlight being a moody Britney "Slave 4 U" spoken-word moment. There was also a performance artist, who goes by the name of Boy Child, whose runway approach was that of an Avatar. Aside from the creepy colored contacts, BC’s most captivating moment was when the laser beams seemed to be either energizing the creature, causing terrible pain, or all of the above — it totally referenced J-Lo’s Making the Video for "Waiting for Tonight," when, I’ll remind you, Jenny complained of the neon green beams burning her infamously glowing skin.

This show wasn’t just about the smoke and mirrors and zany people-watching, though. THOSE CLOTHES. I repeat. THOSE. CLOTHES. Some seriously chiseled male models worked many a statement piece. You know, totally casual Sunday brunch looks, like weave doo-rags, midriffs under structured leather jackets, earphone-earrings, baggy gym shorts paired with Doc Martens, tighty-whities paired with thigh-high leather leg warmers, etc. I don’t know. I can’t really explain what I saw (Cathy Horyn, I DARE YOU TO TRY TO DESCRIBE THIS SHOW) and that’s why we have photographers. I did find myself offering an enthusiastic standing ovation though, especially when my future hubby aka A$AP Rocky closed the show.

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