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2.13.2013

Boudoir Bible: Foreplay and pornivores

The Boudoir Bible: The Uninhibited Sex Guide for Today launches with a little shin-dig at Bookmarc on Bleecker Street on Wednesday night – perfect timing to grab a copy and swot up for a smokin’ Valentine’s night. So what’s author Betony Vernon a self-titled ‘sex educator’ based out of Paris and Milan, got to say that’s new on the oldest subject in the book? For starters, plenty about porn and the myths that the sex industry likes to sell us…suckers. In other words, she says, for the best sex of your life do not do as you see.

Myth 1 Fast Equals Skillful
It’s porn’s fault that the cum shot remains, for most, the principal goal of sex. In reality, oh sexual adventurers, the journey IS the destination.

Myth 2 Repeated Emission Equals Sexual Prowess
Viewers want to see spermatozoa, and lots of it – but you don’t need to spray buckets to prove your virility. One or two teaspoons is normal and way easier to wipe up afterwards.

Myth 3 The Ever-Ready Rock-Hard Phallus
Surprise, avid ‘pornivores’ are the most likely to suffer performance anxiety. Forget ye not clever editing and the use of props (Viagra, mock semen) before comparing your schlong to that of Rocco Siffredi.

Myth 4 The Bigger The Better
The myth that bigger dicks mean better orgasms is a crock. In the scheme of ecstatic sex big is in no way synonymous with skillful.

Myth 5 Safe is Not Sexy
What’s with the porn industry’s no-condom club? And don’t even get Betony started on careless anal-to-vaginal contact. Keep it clean, kids.

Myth 6 Woman as Ever-Ready Provider
One word: foreplay, or rather, the industry’s tendency to skip it all together. In case it wasn’t obvious, sex is a two-(okay, or three)-way street.

Myth 7 The Hysterical Arch
A.k.a. the hips down, back arched, head back pose adopted by many a porn queen to show just how freakin’ ready for it she is. In reality, the ‘hysterical arch’ is guaranteed to diminish, if not completely inhibit, the orgasmic impact.

Myth 8 Sex is for The Youthful
Okay, so who wants to look at bodies that are old and out of shape. But there’s no age limit on sexual ecstasy. And hey, if you could chose, wouldn’t an earth shattering orgasm be the ultimate way to go?

The Boudoir Bible by Betony Vernon is out this month on Rizzoli, priced $35. www.rizzoliusa.com

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