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1/5 — Oh Brad, go ahead and bite us. Please?

Art

11.3.2014

Top 5 Sexiest Movie Vampires

With Halloween only a week away, we’ve been pillaging through our favorite scary movies, and felt that the time was right to revisit some of the old vampy classics. It’s hard to look at vampire movies the same way after the scourge of the Twilight Saga, but we think the time is ripe to look back and see just how truly sensual the vamps of the cinema can be. So without further ado, here our are picks for the Top 5 Drop Dead Sexiest Movie Vampires.

5. Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire: Oh Brad, Brad, Brad, so young and so angsty. Well before he had our eyes on his washboard abs in Fight Club, Brad stole our hearts as Louis, the far sexier counterpoint to Tom Cruise’s Lestat, Brad stole our hearts with those baleful vampire eyes and his luscious lion’s mane of hair. Even his chalk white skin and occasional feeding of human flesh did nothing to deter our lust for Louis and his sweet, Southern drawl. We also get a glimpse of his fatherly side as he cares for the young little vampire version of Kirsten Dunst, which just seals the deal for Louis as ideal vampire husband number one.

4. Kate Beckinsale in Underworld: One word ladies and gentleman: LEATHER. As Selene in the Underworld series (seriously, what are they on now? Part 7?) Kate Beckinsale serves up some dominatrix realness as the sleekest vampira around in her never ending quest to stop werewolves…or something like that. The important part is that she kicks serious ass and looks good doing it, whether it’s fighting wolfmen that are five times her size or literally slicing people’s faces in half, she is not someone you want on your bad side. And did we mention that leather suit? Because that is how you show off those curves.

3. Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie in The Hunger: When casting psychedelic horror film The Hunger, director Tony Scott was faced with the tough decision of who to cast as a sexy vampire couple who feed on their victims while simultaneously indulging them in an orgy for their last moments of life. He made the choice of a lifetime with French new wave icon Catherine Deneuve and sex icon of the history of time David Bowie. Yes they both kill people and there’s lots of blood, but they also have a kinky threesome with Susan Sarandon and have meaningful couples therapy discussions together. It’s also the 80’s so a pounding synthesizer score accompanies their sex and killing. Call us crazy, but death doesn’t seem all that bad if we get a fun sexy time with this duo, we might even welcome it with open arms.

2. Salma Hayek in From Dusk Till Dawn: Salma Hayek is a pretty sexy woman. Cast her as an exotic salsa dancer? Okay, that’s incredibly sexy. Have her dance with a boa constrictor? Sure, we’re still on board. Pour tequila down her bare leg into the waiting mouth of Quentin Tarantino? Yeah tota…no wait get rid of that last part. Despite having her toe sucked on by good ol’ Quentin “Foot-Fetish” Tarantino, Salma Hayek literally oozed sex as Satanico Pandemonium, a creature from Hell in the guise of sexiest woman alive. We would still probably be with her, even if she turned into a fanged demon who would kill us when we least expect it.

1. The Lost Boys—All of Them: The 80’s were a great time to be a vampire; you could wear your Ray-Bans at night without being looked at funny and drink blood while listening to Run-DMC. At least that’s what we learned from The Lost Boys, the greatest film ever made about teenage biker gangs who moonlight (pun intended) as vampire teenage biker gangs. It was impossible to pick just one sexy hunk from this movie, comparing the brooding, brunette Michael (Jason Patric) to the rebellious, rat-tailed David (Keifer Sutherland) is like comparing apples to vampire oranges. Not to mention the rest of the blood-sucking posse who astonishingly all carry equal amounts of bad-boy sex appeal. Go ahead and count us among the ranks of the undead if you get to have this much fun and get laid so often.

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