All signed up to co-host Galore magazine’s pre-fashion week pop-up store alongside Andre Pejic, beauty editor and general all around hot mess Cat Marnell was a spectacular no-show. Oh! But we caught up with her on the phone to find out how she managed to miss her own party, and what NYFW looks like through her often drug-addled eyes…

MilkMade Cat Marnell! Hi! By the time this is published, I have a feeling there will be a blogger or seven calling you out with keywords like “downtown wild child,” “hot mess,” etc. for missing last night’s party – the one you were supposed to host. Set the record straight. WTF happened?

Cat Marnell I was at my 85-year-old grandmother’s in Charlottesville – that’s Virginia, she is Southern as sugar – and she made me miss my Amtrak train! Long story. She is insane. I was so mad. I wanted to be BFF with Andrej [Pejic]!

MM Me too! And I tried. I really tried. So, let’s talk about your Galore x WGACA t-shirt. Did you design it?

CM It’s fabulous! I definitely did not design it but if you want a little Cat Marnell je nais se quois for your Fashion Week tee, my tip is to get a nosebleed down the front.

MM Noted. And how did you get involved with Galore?

CM Galore is everything; I love writing for them and I do a sex column every issue. I interviewed one of my idols, Ellen Von Unwerth, and she signed my copy of Revenge. I almost died. Watching Ellen shoot the cover story with Ashley Smith — who I’m obsessed with, she is the hottest nicest girl – was so beyond. Ellen made the male model neigh like a horse while Ashley beat him with a rope. So German.

MM So do you hate or love NYFW?

CM Love! Because now I’m not required to go. When I worked at Condé [Nast], I felt like I had to go backstage to do beauty at every show and I would make these INSANE schedules and then not show up to ANYTHING because I was such a loser and then I’d hate myself and the publicists hated me and it was just a disaster. Now I just go hang around the tents and social climb and eat snacks and things.

MM Now to the juiciest RT-friendly stuff. Describe your experience at xoJane in a sentence:

CM I worshipped Jane Pratt and still do, but that said, I was a druggy monster who tortured my assistant and showed up to HR meetings with half my face paralyzed from PCP.

MM Craziest most debauched, blackout-heavy NYFW party experience. Discuss.

CM Wu Tang at Milk two fashion weeks ago was pretty killer – what was up with that weird prom theme at that party? The best Fashion Week parties have been when my friend Chrissie Miller, who is the nicest girl in all downtown, takes me to hang out with HER friend, Lindsay Lohan, who can be totally terrifying and once threatened to have bodyguards drag me out of Le Baron because I gave the guy she was with a drag of my electronic cigarette. Anyway, she’s so glamorous that she can do whatever she wants. We need more girls like Lindsay Lohan, if you ask me. She reminds me of one of my heroes: Ginger from Casino. I tried to give her Fashion Week pep pills once when we were sitting together with Chrissie in a booth at Le Bain at the Purple magazine party. She treated me like dirt. It was fabulous.

MM Moving on: Valentine’s Day is happening. Got any fun or potentially destructive plans with your man?

CM My boyfriend is going to cook me dinner and then we’ll smoke cigarettes and drink vodka lemonades on his terrace and then maybe do poppers and watch the Octomom masturbation DVD which is the only pornography he owns.

MM Let’s play Marry/Fuck/Kill: “Girls” edition. With Marni, Hannah, Shoshanna and/or Jessa.

CM I would marry Marni, fuck and then kill her by drowning her sexily in a hot tub at Le Bain. Then I would marry Hannah, fuck her, and kill her and wear her tattooed skin to the Jeremy Scott show. Then I would caress Shoshanna with one of her own designer shoes à la Peter Braunstein but not fuck her, and then I’d marry her, and then I’d kill her gently. Cyanide in champers on Central Park South… Jessa lives. Actually so does Hannah.

MM Finally, got any upcoming projects?

CM My book proposal is done and my agent is going to send it out next week. It’s a drugs, sex, self-sabotage, nightclubs and magazines memoir called HOW TO MURDER YOUR LIFE.

MM Got it. Good luck, we love you.

The Galore Magazine pop-up store is at What Goes Around Comes Around, 440 Lafayette Street NY.

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