What We Learned From Coachella

1: Nate Bozung Bozwrecking Bozchella.
2: Your drug dealer has arrived.
3: If you build it, Thom will come.
4: "Brrrraaaaaiiiinnnnnssss"
5: The Milk Wrecking Crew
6: It sucks if you forget where you parked.
7: Swedish House Mafia a.k.a. The band with a trillion laserbeams

Obviously last year’s Coachella is a bit of a blur. It’s kinda like a dream we had after a long night of heavy drinking – we aren’t exactly sure which parts of it were real and which parts we imagined after we passed out.

Luckily we have a few photos to remind of us some of the great times we had in the middle of the desert last year. We know how much it sucks to go over to someones house and get drug down memory lane with them as they flip through their vacation photos in a slideshow presentation.

This isn’t that though. This is important! We are going to teach you youngsters a few things that you should know before you drive your ass all the way to the middle of the desert with a duffle bag full of alcohol and illegal substances. Coachella is a beast, and it will eat you and your ridiculously dressed friends alive if you aren’t careful.

So listen up! Here’s what we learned last year at Coachella (or at least… what we remember.)

1. Ladies – if a strange man with about 15 face tattoos wanders up to you smelling like whiskey and weed and starts asking for your phone number… give it to him!!

It’s probably just steezaholic snowboarder Nate Bozung crashing the party, making sure everyone there is having the weirdest time possible. Duh!

2. Make sure you arrive in style.

Seriously, you never know when someone is going to ask you to turn your dirty two-seater fit for a drug dealer into the official automobile for one of the most "electric" after parties at Coachella.

3. If you hear a rumor that Thom Yorke is DJ’ing a party and you have your doubts, you should probably still go.

Hell, we had our doubts about whether or not Thom was actually going to show up for his DJ set… and it was OUR party! For the last day of the Rolling Stone Rock Room Thom waltzed over to the DJ booth in a tank top and sandals and spun an epic set for everyone who had enough faith that the rumors were true.

4. Be prepared for zombies!

The term "too soon" does not apply when it comes to resurrecting 2Pac or any other iconic artist or band for that matter.

See also: Refused

That doen’t mean that it’s always a great idea.

See also: At The Drive-In

5. Choose your friends wisely.

In a giant crowd of deviants and miscreants all hopped-up on goofballs… it’s good to know you’re with the coolest kids at Coachella.

6. Learn to enjoy waiting in lines.

There are a shitload of people at Coachella. So from parking your car to buying drugs, you should be mentally prepared to wait in lines that Mickey Mouse himself would consider ridiculous.

7. Get ready to have a fuckin’ blast.

The bands pull out all the stops for Coachella. Prepare to have your mind blown.

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