Art

1.7.2015

Top 5 Most F***** Family Dinners

Damn, spiritual posession has never looked this fun
Who needs pie when you can have chilled monkey brains?
Jeez Frank, you don't have to spoil your whole cannibal dinner!
Forgive me, but this chicken seems a little raw....
Leatherface is curious...did you save room for pie?

Ahhh Thanksgiving. The time to come together with your families for a weekend of non-stop love and bonding while overeating plate after plate of carbs. For some, this is pumpkin spice-scented heaven. For others, it can be a living hell; one full of canned cranberry sauce and Grandma’s super sketchy sweet potato goop with off color marshmallows. Not every family is blessed with a good cook in the house, which ultimately makes for a rather unpleasant Thanksgiving experience. So to help you survive your unpleasant meal (and help you realize just how good you’ve got it), we’ve compiled a list of the Top 5 Most Fucked Up Family Dinners on Film. WARNING: Spoilers lurk below.

5.Beetlejuice: The Deetze family actually put a nice spread together for their dinner guests who arrived with the sole intention of spotting a ghost. Just as they began to dig into those shrimp cocktails however, the spirits of the previous owners decided to possess them for a wildly enthusiastic karaoke routine to ‘Day-O,’ turning an elegant dinner party into a booty-shaking spookfest. And those shrimp cocktails? They became mutant arms that tried to tear their faces off. If your family get togethers tend to be on the dull side, spiritual possessions may be just the thing to kick your holiday into high gear.

4. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Indian food is usually a real treat; lots of rich, aromatic curries and heaping piles of rice. Indiana Jones and sidekicks pretty much had the same experience, if you replace curry with beetles and heaping piles of rice with heaping piles of live baby snakes. It’s just one course after another of animal fun in the most bizarre scene from the most bizarre Indiana Jones movie, from eyeball soup to the piece de resistance: chilled monkey brains. None of the characters could handle it, but we think Snake Surprise might make a nice addition to the traditional Thanksgiving spread.

3. The Rocky Horror Picture Show: He may be just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania, but Dr. Frank-N-Furter should not be adding cook to his many accomplishments. After his creation of Rocky, the perfect specimen of sexual companion, is upstaged by the entrance of Eddie, a motorcycle riding ex-delivery boy. Dr. Frank murders him in a jealous rage, and Eddie’s body disappears until a mysteriously large piece of meat appears on the dinner table during Rocky’s birthday party. We’ll never look at electric slicers the same way ever again, not to mention how wary we’ll be every time we see a hock of ham.

2.Eraserhead: Family dinner becomes a literal nightmare in David Lynch’s first outing as a feature film director. Our big-haired hero Henry Spencer, after being haunted by a woman who lives in his radiator, is invited for a nice meal at his girlfriend’s home. And boy is it fancy, everyone gets their very own chicken! A chicken that still moves its legs and emits a black, gelatinous ooze when you stick a fork in it that is. The film only gets weirder from there, from mutilated lizard babies to planet men to pencil factories, but nothing is as strangely hilarious as the chicken goop. Let’s hope your turkey is dead and ooze-free when you dig into it this year.

1.The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: One of the scariest films ever made also has possibly the grisliest meal scene ever committed to film. Sally, the last survivor of her group of friends picked off by boogeyman Leatherface, is tied down to a chair to sit and have family dinner with Leatherface’s whole cannibalistic clan of freakshow psychopaths. The head of the family turns out to be wheelchair bound Grandpa, who it turns out has a real hankering for human flesh, flesh that’s still on the bone as he tries to get a nibble of Sally’s fingers. We’re not sure what your family eats on Turkey Day, but let’s hope it’s not that.

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