Top 5 Most Addictive Teenybopper Bangerz
Anyone remotely in the know of the pop culture sphere is familiar with those two tiny British girls who dress like fairy princesses and seem to exist at the beck and call of Ellen DeGeneres and her comic whimsy. Sophia Grace, one of the princesses in question, has managed to break free of both Ellen and her partner in crime Rosie with a new song she just dropped titled ‘Best Friends.’ The song, and the accompanying video, is the definition of ‘teenybopper,’ an aesthetic dominated by 11-14 year olds asserting their coolness through cuteness. If you can get past the mild thoughts of child labor, ‘Best Friends’ is actually…dare we say…kind of catchy. But naturally, it makes us think of all the other ridiculously catchy teenybopper tunes that still hold the top spot in our hearts. So here they all are—The Top 5 Most Addictive Teenybopper Bangers.
5. Lil’ Bow Wow—Bounce With Me:
Lil’ Bow Wow, as he was christened by Snoop Dogg, might still hold the record for being the youngest rapper to make the best kind-of good song. At the ripe old age of 13, Bow Wow blessed us with ‘Bounce With Me’ one of the more bizarre but irresistible entries in the history of hip-hop. Never has an eighth grade child had so much street cred, nor has there been a rapper since that’s inspired an equal feeling of cute little boy and OG gangsta. Is it strange seeing adult women hit on him in the music video? Absolutely, but it’s still the dopest teenybopper banger ever made.
4. Miley Cyrus—Party in the USA:
This song would have ranked far higher were it not for the fact that our homegirl Miley was just a little over the technical age bracket for ‘teenybopper.’ Nevertheless, girl was only 17 when she released the most dance worthy, nostalgia tripping, song about being a patriot ever written. Released in between the two extremes of ‘Little Girl Miley’ and ‘Smoking Salvia Miley,’ ‘Party in the USA’ is an anthem of the teenage experience, as Miley’s naïveté and honesty is ultimately what sells this good times ballad, one that will always put us directly back in touch with our own teenage country girl inside.
3. Aaron Carter—I Want Candy:
It was the year 2000, and suddenly there was a game changer in our midst. 13 year old Aaron Carter, covering a cover of a cover, released ‘I Want Candy,’ and the lives of anyone born in the 1990’s was changed forever. This 13 year old boy became a heartthrob for every girl aged 7-14, and every guy of that age group felt they could be his homeboy. The rest of his music is pretty forgettable, but the sweet melodies that escaped from Carter’s lips of finding just the right piece of candy (that’s not a metaphor…right?) will live on for time immemorial.
2. Willow Smith—Whip My Hair:
What were you doing at 10 years old? Still going to elementary school? Willow Smith was busy prepping ‘Whip My Hair,’ a song that became so ubiquitous that she performed it on the lawn of the White House for the entire Obama family. Of course having two mega celebrity parents who can afford such ambitious dreams helps, but they did nothing to influence the frenzied storm that this song rode in on. We’ll bet that most everyone in America has heard this song, even the ones that don’t know who the hell or what a Willow Smith is. Simple answer? She’s the girl in charge, and she doesn’t care how many neck braces you have to buy, you will Whip. Your. Hair. Both back and forth.
Deciphering what ‘MMMBop’ has done for American culture is a nigh impossible task. It’s so hated that it has been used as a method of torture in various fundraising endeavors, yet so loved that it appears on virtually every best of the 90’s lists. It is one of the most irritatingly overplayed songs of all time, yet is one of the most technically perfect and masterfully executed pop songs ever written. How did the three brothers of Hanson, who were only aged between11-14, write this? What does this say about the state of rock n’ roll in the late 90’s. In the end, none of this matters. As the music swells and we lurch inevitably forward into the chorus, there is only one proper response: ‘MMMMMMBOP!’