The Ultimate Guide to Alternatively Saving the Planet

Young revamping old classics, like "The GMO and the Damage Done"
Penis forest in North Korea is an incentive to stroke the wood to save the wood (Photo by: Jeff Waldock)
Turn over a new leaf! Become a jail vegetarian!
Tobias crying because Lindsay won't take a couple shower with him and his jorts
Even mannequins are sooo over shaving their bushes

Happy Earth Day! Today we are more aware than ever before of how our small actions can have big repercussions on our lovely Mother Earth. There are many things we can do in order to help make things better. Some, like recycling, are more obvious than others…so if you want to take the ultra alt route to saving the word here are five things you can do:

Listen to Neil Young

Over the past decade or so, activists have been working to limit the use of GMOs (Genetically Modified Organisms) and enforce GMO labeling laws. Now, joining this environmentally-conscious movement is musician Neil Young who is using his music to criticize corporate food giants like Monsanto, the face of genetically engineered seeds.

The Canadian singer-songwriter is teaming up with Promise of the Real, a band made up of Willie Nelson‘s sons, Lukas and Micah Nelson, to fight the wrath of Monsanto. The name of the project, The Monsanto Years, will feature songs like ’New Day For the Planet’, ‘Seeds’, and ‘Starbucks Rock’ — perhaps in honor of Young’s Starbucks boycott. So, Monsanto better get ready, because they’re about to get a spanking in the form of an EP.

Watch Porn

Specifically big dick porn. In order to celebrate Arbor day on April 25th, Pornhub, everyone’s favorite reason to open an ‘incognito’ tab, created a weeklong reforestation campaign called “Give America Wood,” which promises to plant 1 tree for every 100 videos watched of the “wood” category.

The campaign is filled with an onslaught of punny innuendos, but it’s nice to see Pornhub continue their benevolent efforts regardless, as they created a similar campaign in 2012 to raise money for breast cancer through the “big tits” and “small tits” categories.

One less reason to feel shamed about feeling yourself. And hey, while you’re discovering new videos you might also stumble upon Coolio’s new music.

Go to Jail

Alright maybe try not to go to jail at all, but if you happen to commit a crime and have the chance of choosing where it is you’re going to commit it, make sure it’s in Arizona. Pamela Anderson, legendary bae-watch and long term PETA activist, made a deal with Maricopa County Jail to make it the first jail to serve anti-meat meals to the prisoners.

If you’re more the type of person who likes to live in the freedom of society then we guess you can pass on jail, but trying to vegg-up your meals, even if it’s only for one day of the week, makes a huge impact. Skipping on a pound of beef alone saves 2,500 gallons of water.

Take Sexy Couples Showers

While we’re on the subject of water, how about using it – or rather saving it – to spice up your relationship and boost your hygiene all at once. Showers take up about 17% of a home’s total water consumption, which means that if there are two heads to one shower head the percentage would decrease.

There’s nothing like playing doctor and nurse in the shower…take your sponge baths to the next eco level. Hey and if you use Pornhub’s reforestation challenge you might be able to come up with some new and sexy ideas for shower time. However be aware that the point is to reduce the amount of water used, so just because things are getting frisky in there we advice to leave the long sessions for drier locations.

Bring Back the Bush

Aside from being a symbol of female freedom, the bush is actually a greener way of life. Shaving creates a ton of waste in three areas: razors used, shaving cream, and the water needed. On average 2 billion disposable razors are purchased annually, and even if you have a longer life razor you still have to change the blades – creating tons of plastic waste. Shaving cream is used with a shit ton of chemicals, not to mention their aluminum and plastic cans are also wasteful. And let’s not forget the water necessary to shave, which can add up to 10 gallons per shave.

Think of shaving as taking a huge mower through the forest. So really a few pubes are nothing in comparison to lack of oxygen.

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