5 '80s Looks That Should Never Come Back
With the immense, cultish success of Stranger Things, we got to thinking about the particular ilk of ’80s wear that dominates the show. History repeats itself, as they say, and as Stranger Things proves, this can be a good thing. We’ve seen fanny packs come and go, and then—mercifully—come back again, in addition to bucket hats, Keith Haring graphics, and plenty more tasteful ’80s garb. With his FW15 women’s collection, J.W.Anderson put ’80s back on the fashion radar, and then, more recently, Marc Jacobs took that campy, ’80s look and made it wholly relevant again.
But for all the good that the ’80s brought us, it has also given us just as much bad—if not more. Nobody (and we mean nobody) wants to see the return of that squiggle, Saved by the Bell graphic. Below, we’ve compiled five other ’80s looks that would do well to stay in the decade whence they came.
“Ooh, just how we like ’em. Pleated, high waisted, two buckles, and a lot of leg room,” said no one, ever. Or at least not since 1989. What is it about these pants that everyone in the ’80s failed to see? Was it the lack of shape? The double-buckled waist to help accentuate the waist that typically no man has? Or perhaps it was the lifeless shade of acid wash that Z.Cavaricci favored. Whatever it was, we’re happy these pants have yet to make a comeback—and are hoping it stays this way.
Look back on the classic ’80s, Jane Fonda-laden photos, and you’ll notice a profusion of spandex, and an attempt to wear each and every style of spandex together, all at once. Long-sleeve leotards worn over leggings and under a bathing suit-looking leotard was the norm. And thankfully has no place in today’s fashion market. We got athleisure, people. So we can put in the work (without the layers).
Even though they changed the spelling to be edgier, there’s no separating the fact that this brand is a take on the 70’s slang term, “zooba,” which means “in your face.” Enough said. Created by two gym owners who noticed that the market for pants that bodybuilders could comfortably—and stylishly—lift in was unjustly dry, Zubaz is the sweatpants brand that is loved by athletes, fans, and John Cena alike. And as interesting as its history might be, we can say with full certainty that we won’t be wearing these bad boys any time soon—and we hope the same goes for you.
Is there such a thing as too much neon? Indeed, there is. Yes, some contemporary designers have put the hyper-bright colors back on the fashion circuit, but we maintain that too much all at once is actually too much, no matter what the tag reads. And as helpful as it might be while riding our bikes on the Williamsburg Bridge at night, we simply aren’t as fervently inclined to be head-to-toe traffic stops as people were in the ’80s. Plain and simple. And hopefully this is not something we’re moving towards. We want our futures to be bright, not our entire outfits.
Piano Key Neckties
Mugatu claimed he invented the piano key necktie, and we have questions. First of all: why? Second of all: seriously, why? Most importantly, however: how did this become a popular accessory? We could spend decades hypothesizing the reasons behind the invention of the piano key necktie, but that would help no one. All that matters now is that it happened—and now it’s gone. Amen.
Photos via ScreenRant, MentalFloss, Huffington Post, Glamour, and 80s Fashion.
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