What good is wearable tech if it can't notify us that we're about to bump into our ex? Which is why we decided to compile a list of the hypothetical wearable tech that would actually make our lives easier.



5 Wearable Tech Ideas You Would Actually Benefit From

Companies are making watches with built-in GPS systems, couture gowns that transform their silhouette at the flick of a button, and t-shirts that monitor our heart rate, but what good is any of this if we’re still running into our ex after leaving the gym, and not a single piece of technology has warned us about it? So we thought we’d compile a list of the hypothetical wearable tech that would actually make our lives better.

1. A watch that vibrates when the person you’re talking about is close by.

You’ve never been the gossiping type (maybe). But sometimes you just have to let it out—and anyway, it’s not your fault your co-worker, uh, lacks intelligence. The only problem is, as soon as you finish your cathartic rant, said co-worker coughs from about a foot behind you.

This type of predicament would never happen if your watch had a sensor that triggered a pop-up notification every time the person you’re talking about is within five feet of you. We always appreciate a good flash flood warning, but we wouldn’t mind this too.  

THIS is what we’re trying to avoid.

2. Fabrics that battle both the office AC and the heat.

Thermo-regulating means absolutely nothing to us unless it’s battling the overzealous office air conditioning—we refuse to carry a sweater when over-100-degree heat—and also keeping us cool in the sweltering subway station as we wait for the A train. But actually—imagine the productivity levels if people weren’t getting sick all the time! Luckily this one is apparently on its way, and could be here as soon as 2020.

Shimmying into our multi-million-dollar idea.

3. A top that keeps you the right level of tipsy.

It’s Monday night. Your friend takes you out for a drink and you think one won’t hurt. Next thing you know, you’re stumbling into a cab with a stranger, and then suddenly—whoops!—jolting awake with a killer hangover the next day. What the hell just happened, you’re probably wondering? We’ll tell you what happened: you failed to properly moderate. And because of that, you could really benefit from a vest that measures your blood alcohol content and ensures you maintain an appropriate level of inebriation. Maybe you wouldn’t wear it every time you went out, but admit it: it’d be nice to know the option is there.

Ideally, this top will also ensure that you drink like a cat.

4. The bag that defies gravity.

If you have access to a car (and you’re wise), then you’ve probably turned it into an extension of your apartment—throw some spare clothes in the trunk, toss in a few pairs of shoes, add to that a sleeping bag, and a lifetime’s worth of snacks. Living in the city, however, is different; you’ve still got a lot of stuff, but without the relief of hoarding the majority of it in a car. It’s a lot. It’s heavy. That is all.

Kind of like this, except the exact opposite.

5. The sweater that pays your rent

We haven’t quite worked out the details with this one, but we like sweatersespecially when fall is approaching—and we need to pay the rent. So we would love it if the two sorted out an agreement here.

TFW your mohair pullover slips you a hefty check.

Photo by Koury Angelo.

Stay tuned to Milk for more fanciful ideas. 

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