Don't Worry Fetty Wap, All Rappers Do Bar Mitzvahs
It recently came to light that Fetty Wap performed at a bar mitzvah. And as it usually goes when these things come to light, people think it’s funny–apparently, rappers making money is hilarious. But don’t worry Fetty, you pure, pure soul. We’re here to tell you that you’re in some pretty great company. In celebration of the wild world of rapper and bar mitzvahs (not to mention the last night of Hanukkah), we’ve rounded up some of our favorite artists to make an appearance at the event made to usher in an era of adulthood. To make it even better, we also imagine what their bar mitzvah song of choice would be.
Nicki Minaj in 2015
We all remember that photo circulating of Nicki Minaj with a gaggle of 13-year-old Jewish boys, right? Well, obviously it was attached to the bar mitzvah performance she gave. We’re sure it was a dream come true for the boys.
French Montana in 2015
There’s something slightly disturbing about a grown man singing about cocaine to a group of children but–hey, apparently this is what manhood is in the modern day and age. French Montana is just teaching life lessons, really.
Drake (duh) in 2011
If you had to guess a rapper that performed at a bar mitzvah, you’d guess Drake wouldn’t you? Well, don’t worry because he definitely has. In 2011, Drake played this unintelligible set to welcome this young boy, son of NBC chairman Jeff Zucker, to manhood. And, it was a great deal! Originally Kanye West was on the bill, but he got booted after demanding a million for the performance.
Snoop Dogg in 2007
Apparently, when you have a net worth of $1 billion it’s easy to get a rapper at your son’s bar mitzvah. It seems obvious. But, let’s all try to imagine a group of young children listening to Snoop Dogg’s proverbial hit song “Sensual Seduction.” According the Miami Herald,“No one seemed bothered by Snoop’s arrest record–cocaine and gun possession (convicted), and murder (acquitted). Nothing wild from the host of Girls Gone Wild: Doggy Style. ‘He kept everything clean,’ says one partygoer. ‘He said it was his first bar mitzvah.'”
50 Cent in 2005
How rich do you have to be to have your bat mitzvah written about in the New York Daily News? Super fucking rich. According to them, 50 Cent “did manage to work in the lyric, ‘Go shorty, it’s your bat mitzvah, we gonna party like it’s your bat mitzvah.'” We’re sure someone’s dreams came true that night.
Ja Rule in 2005
Not only did Ja Rule perform at a bat mitzvah, it also got written about in the New York Times. I guess that’s one way to start womanhood. In essence, it was a perfect night in the mid-2000’s for one 13-year-old girl and every single one of us is jealous.