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1.20.2016

Five Dirty Facts to Celebrate James Franco's Big Load of Porn Drama

Take a break from tapping away at your sticky keyboard, because we have a big load of news that may be hard to swallow. Remember that James Franco porn show called The Deuce by the creator of The Wire you heard about last year? You know, the one set in the Big Asshole—sorry, The Big Apple. Well, it just got greenlit for a full series order. So expect to see a lot more of the gritty taint of New York, aka Times Square, the setting for this ’70s drama.

To celebrate HBO officially picking up what’s sure to be the most epic porn story since Dickman and Throbbin’, we took a break from marveling at the GuyFi box and penetrated the world of porn. After a deep, hard look at the meaty caverns of porn trivia, we found the best facts, stats, and history about the industry we all pretend not to love.

In 2014, the porn industry in the United States made more than the NFL, the NBA and Major League Baseball combined.

The porn industry may have been cockslapped by the rise of free sex videos on the Internet and lost a third of its profits, but it’s still a $10 billion industry. Meaning that it still leaves homoerotic group ballplay in the dust, financially. Sex does sell. With $10 billion, I could buy 680,735,194 of Amazon’s top-selling dildo, the Utimi Double Vibrating Female Vibrator-Double Stimulation. That’s over two dildos for every person in the U.S. America the Beautiful, indeed.

dildo amazement
No, this is not the Utimi Double Vibrating Female Vibrator-Double Stimulation. It’s a Rabbit.

A New York City law aimed at breaking up clusters of porn shops in the late ’90s was responsible for the downfall of the city’s porn industry.

The 1995 zoning law banned “adult establishments” from being in residential neighborhoods, and from being within 500 feet of another such establishment, a school or a place of worship. It’s pretty insensitive to people who worship the D. The criteria for being one of these adult establishments centered around the amount of sexual content it sold—more than 40%, and you were out faster than a broken condom. Luckily for all the meat beaters, a judge ruled the law unconstitutional in 2012, because it violated the constitutional protections of free speech.

If you need us, we'll be at the DVD Depot.
If you need us, we’ll be at the DVD Depot.

Porn websites have more monthly web traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Hulu combined.

By now, I think it’s safe to say that Americans love to beat it more than 1980s-era Michael Jackson. The Internet age has only made the urge to jerk it more aggressive, and so according to stats, porn blows video streaming services to bits. That makes sense, given that “Netflix and chill” requires more effort than opening a new private browser window and pulling down your sweatpants. Sometimes one is the loneliest number. But most of the time, it’s just right.

Netflix and Chill? No thanks. We'd prefer to just beat it.
Netflix and Chill? No thanks. We’d prefer to just beat it.

In the 1980s, an HIV outbreak killed a number of porn stars, and prompted strict measures to ensure health and safety of other pornstars in the future.

According to urban gay porn legend, the root of the HIV outbreak was one John Holmes, who used his 13-inch dick in over 2,000 videos over his 20-year career (and was the inspiration behind Boogie Nights).  He was diagnosed as HIV positive in 1985, but kept it a secret for a year, until his increasingly frail physique essentially blacklisted him from finding more work. He died two years later of AIDs, and has been blamed for the deaths of 27 different porn stars, who died between 1985 and 1989.

If you insist on having sex, wrap it before you tap it.
If you insist on having sex, wrap it before you tap it.

The term “gay for pay” refers to the fact that a male porn star can make three times the amount he would make for straight porn.

The going-rate for some old-fashioned vaginal penetration porn for men is $500-600. Triple that with a little anal action, and you’re looking at a month’s rent for a closet in Midtown, or upwards of 109 Utimi Double Vibrating Female Vibrator-Double Stimulators. This probably explains why James Franco has spent years pandering to the gay community with his films and weird meta interviews with his gay alter-ego. The vajayjay may be cool, but capitalism’s heart is in the asshole.

Stay tuned to Milk for loads of stuff.

Lead image and illustration by Kathryn Chadason.

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