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Gender Diaries: Dannielle / Dan Owens-Reid

As the world continues to push against gender constructs, the conversation around how people are identifying themselves is constantly evolving. Each week, MILK.XYZ will feature a guest editor writing about their specific relationship with gender and, often, where it intersects with fashion. This week, we feature clothing designer Dannielle / Dan Owens-Reid

Here are my thoughts, in order:

I had sex with someone recently who asked if I liked having my breasts touched.

No one has ever asked me that before.

Around the same time I realized my identity is for other people and I don’t really care. But I say something because if I don’t they’ll just keep rephrasing the same question over and over. So boring.

“My pronouns are she / he / they”

“So, which is it?”

They say some of the worst microagressions are the ones that happen within your own community.

It’s so weird that I don’t feel safety or comfort when someone tells me they identify LGBTQ+

I’m almost more comfortable expressing myself around 100 cis white heteros. They don’t even try to ~get me~ they just accept what I present because they’ve never seen it before. They’re like “wow what’s this little guy, i like it!”

You should hear the way white guys yell-talk my name once I’ve introduced myself as “Dan.”


everyone needs to chill out

I love it when people don’t get me.

I was on tour in Scotland earlier this year and this guy who had ‘scottish dad’ vibes said something to me that I couldn’t hear (there was loud music playing). I asked him to repeat himself and very slowly and deliberately he said

“I     SAID       OH        YOU’RE       NOT        A            SON         ARE          YOU.          I

THOUGHT          YOU        WERE        A           SON”



“No worries. The confusion is kind of what I’m going for.”

And then his face melted off of his head.

I was in a bathroom a few months ago and startled a woman who walked in.

She said, “Oh you scared me, I thought, well, I only saw your hair. haha”

Her hair was shorter than mine.

everyone needs to chill out

My Q+T friends will text me about this and say “LMAO YR NOT A SON”

My hetero friends will text me about this and say “omg I’m so sorry you have to go through that”

My internet friends will text me about this and say “you can be Q+T and hetero”

My dad will text me about this and say “Love ya.”

Images courtesy of Zoie Harmon

Stay tuned to Milk for more Gender Diaries and see our previous installments here.

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