On a scale of 1 to Freshman Creative Writing Class, Google AI created poetry by reading unpublished romance novels that are actually pretty good. Here are 5 faves that will leave you feeling weird.



Google's Robot Made Sad, Spectral Poetry You Need to Read

We’ve come a long way from the Poo-Chi robo-dog days of our childhood. Technology has catapulted us into the future for better or worse (or sexier). And now, our robot overlords are catching up, one sad poem at a time. Google’s AI system is pulling a Rory Gilmore and has been reading more than 11,000 unpublished books, which includes about 3,000 of the most atrociously steamy romance novels. It’s unclear how these novels didn’t find a publisher considering that the romance-novel-quality-bar is so low. There are literally novels out there called Prehistoric Pounding, Servicing the Wargs, Oops! A Demon Got Me Pregnant!, and (our personal favorite) A Forbidden Rumspringa. When a novel about a forbidden gay Amish romance whose Amazon description comes with this warning that “this is not an inspirational/Christian romance,” it should come as no surprise that having an AI read unpublished romance novels is going to cross some wires that shouldn’t be crossed.

The good news is that before Sarah Connor has to save us from Skynet, we have a treasure trove of weird poetry written by the Google AI to read. To create these masterful works of fiction that are on par with what we heard in our freshman poetry class, Google gave the AI a beginning and ending sentence from a novel and it was up to the robot to bring the gap with poetry. Their goal is to create a robot that can communicate normally, but as we’ve seen from other AI systems, like Microsoft’s Tay, the process often gets stuck in a racist and misogynist ranting phase. Over at Google, their work on AI has involved everything from the works of dead authors to chatbots who threaten humans. To celebrate the beginning of the end, we picked out our five favorite poems and titled them, to help ease you into accepting the inevitable robotic takeover.

The robots are coming… and they’re writing really hilarious poetry.

The Apocalyptic Threesome

there is no one else in the world.

there is no one else in sight.

they were the only ones who mattered.

they were the only ones left.

he had to be with me.

she had to be with him.

i had to do this.

i wanted to kill him.

i started to cry.

i turned to him.

End of the world=perfect time for group sex.

A Vacation to Jonestown

he was silent for a long moment.

he was silent for a moment.

it was quiet for a moment.

it was dark and cold.

there was a pause.

it was my turn.

“Welcome to Jonestown,” the sign says. But our advice would be to leave.

Marina Abramović and Ulay Say Goodbye

this was the only way.

it was the only way.

it was her turn to blink.

it was hard to tell.

it was time to move on.

he had to do it again.

they all looked at each other.

they all turned to look back.

they both turned to face him.

they both turned and walked away.

A tragic goodbye between Ulay and Marina!

An Alternate Ending to The Holiday

i want to talk to you.

i want to be with you.

i don’t want to be with you.

i don’t want to be with you.

she didn’t want to be with him.

giphy (1)
Shouldn’t Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz have just gotten with each other?

Cancelling a Vacation to Jonestown

amazing, isn’t it ?

so, what is it?

it hurts, isn’t it?

why would you do that?

you can do it.

i can do it.

i can’t do it.

i can do it.

don’t do it.

i can do it.

i couldn’t do it.

Goodbye, friends.

Stay tuned to Milk for more post-modern robot poetry. 

Imagery via DevianArt, ABC, Giphy, Tumblr

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