Grand Theft Avocado in California
If you, like every other millennial with enough discretionary income and free time, enjoy the most celebrated meal of our day, brunch, then you will find this piece of news as either a dream come true or a justifiable reason to break the law. Wait, both? Three employees of the avocado ripening department within a produce processing facility in California (A.K.A. mecca), were recently arrested on suspicion of stealing $300,000 worth of nature’s finest creation, avocados, from Mission Produce… and dare we say, we’re green with envy. To put the quantity in perspective, the average price of an avocado in the U.S. at the moment is about a dollar. That would mean that these avo-missionaries had stolen 300,000 single, beautiful, oval spheres of pure delight, but can you blame them? The criminal masterminds have been charged with selling America’s favorite fruit (yes, fruit) stolen from the company grounds without authorization, pocketing the cash money. Why they’d trade nature’s green for capitalism’s, we’re not sure, but what we do know is that the entire situation has not only introduced a new drug to the black market (or black farmer’s market if you will), but also new meaning to the acronym GTA; now no longer exclusively ‘grand theft auto,’ but also ‘grand theft avo.’Authorities were led to the accused after several suspicious reports had been made, which resulted in an investigation since May.The culprits, Joseph Valenzuela, Rahim Leblanc and Carlos Chavez, were all taken into custody last week after police raided their homes and workplace. A few weeks and countless avocado toasts later, the authorities are still looking into who was purchasing the smuggled fruit and whether or not they were aware that the guacamole on their Tostito’s scoop was, in fact, contraband. We close with a quote from the LA Times by Ventura County Sgt. John Franchi that is not news, nor hard-hitting, but certainly relatable: “Everybody loves avocados… we take these kinds of thefts seriously.”
Images courtesy of KTLA and Oxygen.
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