Hold Your Joints—Does Marijuana Ever Go Bad?
It’s a moment that fills you with bliss and admiration for the wonders of the universe: midway through your annual apartment cleaning, you find a six-month-old joint pressed against your mattress or sitting at the bottom of a long-forgotten tote. But just before you raise the joint to your lips, a thought flutters into your mind: how do I know this pot hasn’t gone bad?
Well, the beautiful thing about weed (other than what happens when you put it inside you) is that, unlike the leftover Seamless you shoved to the back of your fridge months ago, it doesn’t really spoil. It may get dry, dusty, and shrivel like a succulent that a millennial is plant-sitting, but it will not go bad. Know that you can smoke that shit months after purchasing it, and you’ll be fine—more than fine, in fact. It may lose some potency and make you cough like your chain-smoking Great Aunt Margaret, but you can still have a good time.
If, however, you have to put some of your stash in storage (surprise drug test? Lent?), there’s a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it. Whether you want to look hot while high now or in ten months, here’s what you need to know to keep those leafy greens fresh and rich in Vitamin THC.
Set Down That Ziploc Bag and Slowly Back Away
You’re in the big leagues now. Whether you’re out of college or not, a Ziploc bag full of crumbling, shitty weed isn’t a good look. Put pills or edibles in Ziploc bags if you want, just stop storing your bud in there. It’ll dry out faster than your grandma at a sauna.
From Pasta Jars to Your Adderall Pill Bottle, Airtight is Sexy
The best thing you can do for your stash is to seal it away in a dank dungeon of airtight solitude. And you don’t need to go to Urban Outfitters to buy a $50 mason jar, either. Your kitchen is probably full of jars eagerly awaiting your marijuana. If it’s not, go grocery shopping, buy pasta and tomato sauce, make dinner, and clean out the sauce jar. Boom—done. And if you happen to not have a kitchen or don’t eat because you’re hopped up on Adderall, fear not—that’s what your pill bottle is for. Reuse that bad boy; it’s good for your marijuana and it’s good for the environment.
“Some Likes It Moist” Applies to Your Love Life, Not Your Weed Stash
Think back to that time your grandma tried to talk to you about her sex life. Not fun, right? Well now you know how your weed feels when you let it stay wet and abandoned like a sweaty towel in the corner of the Equinox locker room. We already know that if you let it dry out, it’ll become brittle. But try not to let it get too wet either—then it’ll grow mold, and not even the most devout stoner wants to blaze up with moldy marijuana. If your weed container of choice is too dry, wet a q-tip and stick it in there to bring some moisture to the air—just don’t let it touch the weed.
Go Full Vamp and Step Away from Direct Sunlight
Treat your stockpile like porridge and store it somewhere that’s not too hot and not too cold. Don’t put your marijuana in direct sunlight either. Because, when exposed to the sun, THC crystals may at first sparkle like Edward Cullen, but soon they’ll be dried out and drained of all potency. Now’s the time to push your dildo collection aside and store your weed in your underwear drawer.
Fridges, Freezers, and Marijuana Never Mix
Look, we all do weird things when we’re high–we’ve definitely mistaken a girl standing in the fountain at Washington Square Park for a sea witch. But please do not ever put weed in your fridge or freezer. It doesn’t work, it’s weird, and it’s bad for the stems. The only time weed and your fridge mix is when the munchies hit and you decide to make a four-course meal for yourself. As the Ying Yang twins once said, get it right, get it tight.
Lead image by Kathryn Chadason.
Stay tuned to Milk for more weed tips and tricks.