In Celebration of Mother’s Day, Admire The Greatest Celeb Momagers
I often wonder how life would be without my mother. Ok not really, but for the sake of holiday spirit, let’s go with it. I’m sure I speak for a lot of us when I say that life would be a hell of a lot harder, and frankly, expensive, without our precious mothers by our side. I don’t know how people can separate themselves from their moms, but then I remember a special rare breed of mothers: momagers.
Some lucky slash very unfortunate celebrities get a two-for-one deal by having their moms serve both as their mother and manager. Momagers have become an infamous and often entertaining commodity in celebrity culture. We love watching genuine mother-child relationships grow stronger, united by the common goal of dollaz. And we love watching crazed mothers act ridiculous and hysterical, creating both sad and iconic moments in pop culture.
Here at Milk, we don’t just celebrate Mother’s Day with touching tributes to the ones that raised us, because we’re superficial and that’s boring as hell. This year, we’re paying our dues to the momagers who have blessed our Internet screens with endless entertainment and jaw-dropping incidents.
We don’t need to explain who Dina Lohan is. You’ve followed her relationship with Lindsay, which has more ups and downs than your average rollercoaster. You hate that you love Dina Lohan with all of your superficial heart. Don’t worry—you are not alone. It’s hard not to be entertained by her attempts to outshine her own daughter. Her hunger for fame was apparent from the very start of Lindsay’s career, when she made a small cameo in The Parent Trap. Yup, she was credited as “woman in airport.” Her antics were just as shocking as Lindsay’s, and her attempts at reality shows still give us a ton of laughs (and then lead us into dark, cynical emotional holes). Living Lohan should have a spot in some Hall of Fame, to be quite honest.
Jane Elizabeth Carter
To this day, people speculate about the utter bizarreness and and tragedy shrouding the Jackson family, but frankly, we should incorporate another mess into the gossip: the Carter family. Nick, Aaron, and their mother Jane (you didn’t think we were talking about Bey, Jay, and Blue, did you?) have aired their dirty laundry for the public to hear, and it is fascinating. Back in the early 2000s, the brothers Carter sued their mom, accusing her of withholding their rightfully earned paychecks, and spoke about the pain of losing a mother to a businesswoman. Jane, in an explosive 2005 interview, rebutted these claims, speaking of herself as the family’s noble savior and revealing that Aaron dabbled with weed at 15 (what else is new?). The cherry on top? Jane was arrested for assault in 2004 after finding her estranged husband in bed with another woman. Let’s praise these parents for setting exemplary examples for their children, shall we?
Great momagers prioritize their child’s best interests before earning money. But Teri Shields was not great. She started daughter Brooke Shields’ career at the mature age of 11 months old, when she was paid only $25 to star in a soap commercial. Teri’s decisions on behalf of her daughter became more controversial as Brooke’s stardom grew. At the appropriate age of 12 years old, Teri allowed Brooke to star as a young prostitute in the 1978 film Pretty Baby, and to pose in provocative Calvin Klein Jeans ads, inciting uproar from most sane people. In her 2014 memoir, which helped her come to terms with her mother’s 2012 death, Brooke opened up about their blowout fights and her mom’s struggles with alcoholism. While there was definitely some love between them, Teri Shields lives on as the momager to not take advice from.
Amidst all of the trainwrecks that we love to treasure, we must give credit to the epitome of momagers, the one who set the standard that momagers now have to follow: Kris Kardashian, I mean, Jenner. Arguably the most infamous momager on Earth, Jenner turned her daughter’s sex tape with Brandy’s brother into a multimillion dollar empire, consisting of clothing lines and boutiques, every beauty product under the sun, the ever-important reality shows, and Kanye West. Her cunning business sense and everlasting desire to look like her daughters only makes her more iconic, to be honest. Long live Kris Jenner!
Honorable Mention: The Mothers from Dance Moms
God bless these moms. They can get more loco than James Kennedy after one drink, and that says a lot. Even though dance instructor and tyrant Abby Lee Miller, who has been charged for tax fraud, is technically their manager, these moms certainly have a lot of say in their children’s careers, and pick up the slack when Miller fails to get them jobs. Which happens a lot. It’s both hysterical and empowering to see Holly and Nia partner with Danity Kane member (I refuse to say “former”) Aubrey O’Day to create music when Miller shows favoritism to other students. And the tempers that flare from Jill and the other moms when favoritism is shown toward Maddie and Mackenzie Ziegler give us absolute life. These moms will stop at nothing for their children’s success, and they never fail to make us laugh till we cry when they fight.
Lead image by Gabriella Cossens.
Images via Hollywire, Getty Images, wtop.com, and sheknows.com
Stay tuned to Milk for mother-related insanity. Because it all goes back to the mother, doesn’t it?