MasterCard Will Let You Replace Passwords with Selfies
There’s nothing worse than finishing up the perfect Papa John’s order (two large pizzas, garlic breadsticks, and brownies to treat yourself) and then suddenly realizing you forgot your credit card information. It’s like watching an atomic bomb explode on all the hopes and dreams you had of falling asleep in bed covered in crumbs and dried tears. Fear not: the nightmares you’ve had about forgetting your password are about to be eased with a little magic and a whole lot of smizing. MasterCard has unveiled the natural next step in password protection for the Internet age: selfie identity checks.
That’s right. All that practice you’ve had taking hideous selfies with Snapchat filters while people look on in horror is about to pay off—literally. Instead of spending ten frustrating minutes trying to remember if your password was your birthday or your ex-lover’s name, you can just flip your camera and identify yourself to buy that 55-gallon tub of lube that’s been sitting in your Amazon shopping cart. The future is now.
To confirm identity, the MasterCard Identity Check will use facial recognition in addition to fingerprint sensors and a customer’s heartbeat (if you aren’t a cold heartless bitch yet). It’s putting archaic passwords in the trash where they belong. According to MasterCard, 53 percent of shoppers forget their password at least once a week, which led to about a third of them abandoning all hope of buying the diarrhea-inducing Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears for their next cleanse. With the selfie check, all you’ll need to do is blink a bit to show you aren’t a lifeless corpse after a Netflix marathon, and then you’ll be set.
If you’ve been waiting to buy that phone case with the built-in selfie lighting that all the Kardashians have been using, now’s the time to struggle through twenty different passwords to order it. The selfie check will be rolling out over the summer in the United States, the UK, Canada, and other markets–just in time to sweat profusely and binge-order deodorant to mask the scent wafting from your body.
Stay tuned to Milk for more selfie news.
Original imagery by Kathryn Chadason.