Follow our guide, and you too could be hollering into Paris Hilton's armpit.



Milk's Essential Guide To Coachella 2k16

It’s Friday, April 15th. This means many things. It means it is tax day. It also means it is tax extension day for irresponsible idiots (me). And it also marks the beginning of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival: two weekends in the desert of Indio, California, spent going to great shows, partying, and trying to figure out which celebrities are on molly.

Coachella is a massive affair, filled with so many options for activities that it can get overwhelming, especially when you factor in all of the horrifying headgear. I went to Coachella in high school with a close friend who is Native American. She was not amused.

So in an attempt to try to avoid the bullshit, here’s a guide to living your best life at the illustrious music festival. Because our last Coachella involved smoking a mysterious substance and then reciting hours of slam poetry about Toblerone bars, we decided it would be best to get some advice from those more knowledgeable then ourselves: rapper, DJ, and Milk fave Chapman, along with his partner in partying and Duh NYC co-founder, Butter group marketing manager Joe Grun. The two headed out to Indio this week to put together a 1 Oak x Up & Down pop-up party (sponsored by Budweiser, Bumble, Wine n’ Dine, and Smoke n’ Mirrors), which is happening today from 2PM to 6PM, PST. Read this, and then scurry on over.

🌄 The calm before the less calm 🌄

A photo posted by Joe Grun (@grunj) on

Music: We suppose that after trying not to get sun poisoning, the music is the most important element of Coachella. The lineups are always major. Our personal picks include the recently reunited LCD Soundsystem, the killer Death Grips, The Kills (they’re back!!!!), Joey Bada$$, A$AP Rocky, Rihanna collaborator SZA, and ethereal groups Beach House and Deerhunter. That’s a lot! And we probably missed a bunch!

Chapman and Grun had some more recs. “I want to go to DJ Mustard,” said Chapman. “I just want to go to anything that feels like I’m at a party. I’m not really there to find myself.” Anyone who is going to Coachella to find themselves: please, don’t. “Gotta go to Years and Years!” said Grun. “The gayest thing!” We strongly support both.

Kesha is also heading to Coachella, although it’s not clear yet if she’ll be performing. I told the boys, and they were very excited. Grun asked if she will be appearing as a hologram. I hope so.

Parties: Coachella is so full of parties. Parties everywhere! Many of them are invite only, but we have faith that you can figure it out. Today features the 1 OAK pop-up, which will likely be full of slightly drunken famous people. Glorious! “It’s going to be fun, it’s going to be relaxed, it’s going to feel like family,” said Grun. Tonight brings us the Nylon Annual Midnight Garden Party, DJ’d by A-Trak, and the Calvin Klein Desert Sessions, featuring Virgil Abloh.

Chapman said that on Saturday, he’s going to “Unleash. The Beast.” Solid plan. The day starts with a brunch from CFDA and Pop Sugar, hosted by MADE designer Jonathan Simkhai. That afternoon, A$AP Rocky is set to host a house party with Revolve Clothing, and the evening features the hottest ticket in town: Jeremy Scott’s annual Coachella party. You can recover from your hangover with a Sunday’s Wellness Oasis Hosted by Racked—or you can party more in your own private residence/tent.

Just remember not to die. Coachella is in the desert, meaning it is very hot and if you drink alcohol and do not drink water, you will perish. “Water, water, water,” said Chapman. “We love drinking water.” “Drink water and eat fried Oreos,” said Grun. A Coachella survival kit!

Yeah, sure, why not.

Fashion: While many stylish models and fashion people and whatnot tend to attend the festival, the general style of the festival can often be… misguided. I asked Chapman and Grun for their thoughts on flower crowns. “I’m over it,” said Grun. “Anybody who isn’t is literally living in 2008,” said Chapman. He is very right.

Shouldn’t Coachella style should just be an expression of your own personal style, adapted for extreme hit/evening chill? Just avoid all of the rampant cultural appropriation. It is not chic!

Happy Coachella to all, and to all a goodnight.
Happy Coachella to all, and to all a goodnight.

So there it is. Enjoy Coachella, friends. Wear sunscreen. Stay hydrated. Take Kim Kardashian’s excellent personal advice and bring a one-hitter. Try to talk to former Disney Channel stars. And if you’re feeling sick, or tired, or like you want to go back to a place with normal weather patterns, just remember: at any given moment, Beyoncé could show up. You never know.

Images via PopSugar.

Stay tuned to Milk for more Coachella coverage.

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