"The pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement..." Oof.



Morrissey Wins Award for Worst Sex

Pray for Morrissey, guys. The sad boy singer just took another literary hit after his new novel, List of the Lost, totally bombed. It’s about a 1970s relay team that gets cursed after banishing a demon – really. Now, the crooner has been awarded the Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award. As the site says, “Each year since 1993, the Bad Sex in Fiction Award has honored an author who has produced an outstandingly bad scene of sexual description in an otherwise good novel.”

The award is kind of like a Razzie of literature. It may seem a bit cruel, but this is a book that also contains the line, “All quiet, all still in this decent and pleasant atmosphere of slumber and repose, where lush houses of beddy-bye shut-eye snoozled in sleepland; a smiling sleep of dreamland.” We love you Morrissey, but this prize is kind of spot-on. Here’s just a taste of one of his sex scenes:

“At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”

We have nothing more to add. Congratulations on the award, Morrissey. We need some “beddy-bye shut-eye snoozled in sleepland” after that one.

Image via Memphis Flyer

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