Smithers Finally Comes Out + Other 'Gay' Cartoons
The online world has been abuzz with the news that Smithers, the long-suffering assistant to the vile Mr. Burns on The Simpsons, has officially come out of the closet. Well, at least that his creators have officially outed him from the closet. It’s certainly exciting news for The Simpsons, a show that has always addressed the LGBT community, but will now claim one of its main characters as a member of said community for the first time.
But it struck us as odd when looking at the bigger picture. There certainly have to be more openly homosexual characters in the land of cartoons, right? Think again, gay cartoon friends seem to belong strictly to the adult market, with shows like Archer, Bojack Horseman, and even The Simpsons catering to an audience that’s more than familiar with the LGBT community. This had us thinking… surely there are plenty of classic cartoons that had gay subjects hiding in wait; characters we’ve known to be gay whose creators just haven’t made the plunge. So without further ado, here are 5 cartoon characters that just need to come out of the closet already.
One word: ascots. No straight men can tie an ascot, let alone one so color coordinated, over a sweater with such precision. Sure Scooby-Doo was created in the 1970’s, when seemingly straight men would accessorize with a silken scarf, but there’s more proof than wardrobe choices alone. Notice how Fred conveniently snubs the romantic advances of Daphne in the name of ‘solving the case?’ And while we’re on the subject, does anyone think that Velma is straight? She’s too damn smart for men anyway.
When Spongebob Squarepants first hit its stride in popularity, it was met with a fair amount of opposition from those who attacked the show with a ‘blatantly homosexual’ protagonist. Sure he’s happy, but if anyone’s gay on that show, we have our money on Squidward. He lives alone in a well-kept townhouse, his clarinet and organization skills mean more to him than anything else in life, and his pink nightcap with pom-pom is just too much for any straight man. Maybe we’re just projecting our envy of his perfect bachelor lifestyle, but come on, the writing’s on the wall.
Let’s analyze Yosemite Sam without even going into detail about his massive mustache, the envy of porn stars everywhere. He’s a small, irate man who compensates for his ineptitude with an increasingly growing collection of handguns. While this may be the recipe for any classic-case guy with a Napoleon complex, something in our gut tells us that it’s a little deepr than that with Yosemite. His pursuit of Bugs Bunny is far more than any angry man, but one who may be fighting urges of romance with hyper masculinity. We’d delve further but something feels weird about a homosexual psychoanalysis of a kid’s show character.
Okay, okay, this one’s a tough sell. He has a girlfriend! Her name is Minnie! And she’s precious! Despite the perfect couple act that Disney’s been pushing down our throats for the near century of Mickey Mouse’s existence, we’re not buying it. Maybe it’s the booty-short overalls, maybe it’s the absurdly high-pitched voice, or maybe it’s the relentless can-do attitude that borders on nausea: Mickey just does not seem straight. We’ll even settle for bisexual, but straight he is not.
This one’s just too easy. She’s a girl in a domineering — nay sadistic!– relationship with fellow gal Marcie, a relationship where she is referred to as ‘Sir’ and gives orders to a completely servile partner. One can’t help but wonder whether Charles Schultz, the Peanuts‘ late creator, was introducing us to the myriad forms in which female friendship can manifest, or the weirdest oppressive lesbian relationship ever printed in a comic strip. For our own sanity (these are children for God’s sake) we’re going with the former, though that does nothing to discredit our opinion of where Peppermint Patty’s true affections lie.