Study Shows Ladies Want Different Dicks For Different Days

Variety is the spice of life. It’s also the spice of dicks. A new study from scientific journal PLOS One revealed that women like different sizes for one-night stands versus relationships, with women preferring slightly smaller penises on a long-term boyfriend. As much as gross dudes love to go on and on about going all night with their “giant” appendages, the human anatomy is sensitive, and if you’re going to be getting it on the regular, it makes sense to go for relaxed fit over skinnies.

We guess baby carrots are better?
We guess baby carrots are better?

The goal of the study was to determine whether women could accurately remember penis size, and to find out whether they prefer different proportions for long-term versus short-term relationships. Because of a separate study citing that female nude images are more attractive than male – which doesn’t seem entirely accurate, haven’t these scientists seen Michael Fassbender in Shame?- instead of using realistic models, the researchers used bright blue tubes. Seventy-five women felt all of the Smurf penises. Then the scientists asked which they preferred, and if they could remember which tube was which size. The ladies could all remember girth better than length, which settles the debate over which is more important.

Apparently these are more attractive than men?

Based on these findings, the researchers concluded that women preferred a slightly larger penis for a one night stand and a slightly smaller one for a relationship. Both penises were just above average size, clocking in at a little over six inches long – 6.4 inches in length and 5.0 inches in circumference for a Tinder match, and 6.3 inches in length and 4.8 inches in circumference for a boyfriend. “[Women] might prefer a larger penis for short-term sex, partly so the increased physical sensation compensates for the reduced psychological connection,” say the authors of the study. But the average consensus didn’t show love for giant one-eyed monsters; think Jake Gyllenhaal over The Rock.

We still have questions. How exactly did the women “feel” these non-anatomically correct slipper serpents? A TempurPedic mattress might feel good, but that doesn’t mean it should go inside our body. Did this study apply to women who have given birth vaginally? What about men who like penises? What about trans women? The only thing that’s clear is that there’s a whole wide (but not too wide) world out there, filled with lovers of a good penis.

Images via Huffington Post, Fusion, Food Network

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