The Texas Senator is ready to bring his Baptist ideals into the White House like a wrecking ball.



Ted Cruz's Policies Are Crazier Than The Theory That He's The Zodiac Killer

There may be one thing scarier than a Donald Trump presidency, and it involves a human sized Gerber baby with a soft spot for religious zealotry. Ted “Crazy Pants” Cruz has spent much of the election cycle hidden under the shadow of Trump’s overwhelming racism and quaffed hairpieces. Now, with Rubio gone and Kasich barely there, the time has come to confront the Canadian Baptist ready to make America his own personal religious kingdom.

It’s easy to write him off as the Zodiac killer or, more recently, the lead singer of Christian metal band Stryper. The truth is, Cruz might be worse than a serial killer with a love for singing in bumblebee-striped unitards. He’s a fiercely ideological man whose entire life has been a precursor to his status as one of the most dangerous—and most universally hated—politicians in Washington. Here are the five essential facts you need to know about the Texas Senator fighting for the Republican presidential nomination.

He’s one of the most hated congressmen in Washington

Cruz has only been in the Senate for three years but in that time, he’s become almost universally hated. “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you,” joked Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham last month. What makes him so hated? It could have something to do with him shutting down the government in 2013, calling Mitch McConnell a liar, and his habit of throwing fellow Republican Senators under the bus to endear himself to his conservative base.

His Baptist roots have shaped his social policies

In his teenage years, Cruz electrified classmates at Second Baptist high school with his biblical mime portrayal of Adam acting out the creation, and he participated in a debate club called Constitutional Corroborators. His father, Rafael, is a pastor, and doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state. This heavy religious influence has guided him through life and helped shape his deeply conservative political ideologies. Cruz plans to overturn and ignore the Supreme Court’s legalization of same-sex marriage, he doesn’t believe in granting transgender people equal rights, and opposes protection against LGBT workplace discrimination. Oh yeah, and he’s staunchly anti-abortion and wants to defund and prosecute Planned Parenthood.

He wants to carpet bomb ISIS even if it kills civilians

He may not approve of sending U.S. ground troops in to fight ISIS yet, but he does approve of widespread “carpet bombing” to defeat terrorists. The problem is that this kind of bombing would kill civilians and actually do more harm than good in the fight against ISIS. When civilians in the Middle East die because of American bombings, it reinforces the narrative that America is in a war with Muslims rather than just terrorists, which helps recruit more terrorists to fight against America. Then again, Cruz did just appoint a radically anti-Muslim activist named Frank Gaffney to his foreign policy advisory team and opposes allowing Muslim refugees into the country.

He’s the biggest climate change denier in Washington

“Climate change is not science. It’s religion,” Cruz explained last year. Despite agreement among 97% of climate scientists that the planet is warming, he remains fiercely opposed to facing facts. His denial would be fine if he was your cranky neighbor but, as a Senator, he’s introduced legislation to expand oil and gas drilling, approve the Keystone XL pipeline, prevent the federal government from regulating fracking, and curtail EPA regulations.

His tax plan would add trillions to the national debt

Cruz promises that with his tax plan, federal tax returns will shrink to the size of a postcard. That would be great if it actually helped the country, but it’s actually terrible for the economy. His strategy to end corporate tax breaks and impose a single 10% flat rate on wages and salaries is drastic. It also adds at least $8.6 trillion to deficits over the first decade, and by more than $12 trillion in the second decade, according to the Tax Policy Center’s analysis. Oh and all of those fancy tax breaks? They’d overwhelmingly benefit the rich.

Imagery via Kevin Lamarque and Giphy. 

Stay tuned to Milk for more crazy presidential candidates. 

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