The 5 Best Countries To Move To If Donald Trump Wins
The unthinkable has happened. No, your Seamless order wasn’t on time for once. The other unthinkable thing—Donald Trump is now the Republican Party’s presidential nominee. That means he has a very real chance of becoming the 45th President of the United States of America. Let that sink in like a sample of lotion at Sephora. Do you feel that tingling? For once it isn’t because of salicylic acid. Saying “President Trump” is more terrifying than watching spiders have oral sex and watching sixteen hours of Ted Cruz awkwardly interacting with his family.
Trump’s policies attack women and he’s promised to kick out and ban Syrian refugees, Mexicans, and Muslims. He wants to bring back waterboarding and has thrown around the idea of killing a terrorist’s entire family. He is so extreme that white supremacists have thrown their support behind his candidacy.
Everybody is talking about the protesters burning the American flags and proudly waving Mexican flags. I want America First – so do voters!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 2, 2016
Yet, despite all of this, he could literally be in charge of running our country by this time next year. It’s a terrifying prospect, especially for young people who are coming of age in an era of skyrocketing debt, high unemployment, and a clear lack of resources. Trump is not a good choice for millennials and now, it’s time for us to take action the best way we know how.
It’s time to draft our contingency plans for escaping America. Besides crippling student loan debt (that we were never realistically going to pay off anyway), most young people are free of mortgages, kids, and marriage. To help plan what countries you should ship off to, here are some solid suggestions for the most youth-friendly countries on Earth.
Germany has a strong economy, it’s safe, and the political climate is stable, which is especially important for young people escaping from Trump ruining our lives. If your parents ask why you moved into an apartment in Berlin, developed a drug habit, and are dabbling in drag, just explain that it’s because in Germany, Trump supporters can’t harass you as you sashay into Berghain.
What better place to move than the city-state where millennials have become famous for escaping from their overprotective families by booking a night or two in an AirBnB! You’ll fit right in! It’s not a great city for job security, but most young people don’t seem to keen on staying for decades in a career. Dabble and travel!
Ah, the land of the Swiss (not cheese). They have all the things you’ll need to settle down and not stress about how a walking hairpiece took over your home. Ski the Alps, eat chocolate, and take the easy and accessible public transit wherever your heart desires. Take a horse drawn carriage to the club if you want. The world is your Swiss oyster.
This may have been the home of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, but we assure you that the Eye of Mauron will be safely kept away in the White House should he get elected. There is a low crime rate and they love having people move into the country—especially Americans. They’ve even created a website full of reasons to move, which is a warmer welcome than getting told you’ll be deported by the potential President. It’s time to dust off those Flight of the Conchords DVDs and learn the difference between a Hiphopopotamus and a Rhymenoceros.
This Asian country is cheap as hell and full of the kind of natural lush beauty that young people usually only see through a TV screen while cooped up in too-small apartments or their parent’s house. Oh and they are diving into the lager market, which will make Brooklynites happy. Dump Trump, say Phucket, and head to Thailand for the ultimate escape route.
Images via The Washington Post, The Guardian
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