We expected the Republican National Convention to be a mess, but nobody could've predicted the plagarism, racism, and bizarre Wrestlemania entrances.



The Most Viral Moments From The RNC's Insane, Chaotic First Day

“We should all kind of chill, calm down and change our tone going forward,” Paul Ryan said at a lunch yesterday as the Republican National Convention began in Cleveland, Ohio.

Unfortunately, that advice didn’t seem to carry over into the first day of the convention. To say it was a shitshow would be putting it mildly but, then again, this is what we should’ve expected when half the overwhelmingly white speakers for the day read like a rejected cast list for Sharknado: Duck Dynasty, like Duck “star” Willie Robertson, D-list actor Scott Baio, soap opera actor Antonio Sabato, Jr., and The Real World star turned Wisconsin politician Rep. Sean Duffy. The theme of the day was officially Make America Safe Again, which meant a lot of talk about “law and order” and “our enemy is here” speeches that sounded like dystopian fan fiction and looked like this:

No, really. This is what happened in the first three hours of the convention:

Most people expected chaotic rambling, but the RNC proved to be the gift that keeps on giving—the speeches dragged on until nearly midnight. Yes, it’s sad and terrifying that Donald Trump could win in November and advance a racist, sexist, homophobic, and xenophobic platform. But rather than throwing ourselves out of the nearest window or contemplating our escape plan to Canada, we’re coping the only way we know how—with humor. Here are the most bizarre, outlandish moments from day one of Armageddon the Republican National Convention.

Melania Trump Auditioned To Be a Michelle Obama Impersonator

Donald Trump’s wife Melania put in a valiant effort to bring some humanity to her husband’s mess of a campaign, but there was one problem. Her best lines were already said by Michelle Obama—in 2008. Twitter was swift in its rebuke of her obvious plagiarism, and united under the hashtag #FamousMelaniaTrumpQuotes.

Rudy Giuliani Turned Into The Racist Uncle You Avoid at Family Reunions

Giuliani’s speech was equal parts mom screaming at the Apple Store and unhinged conspiracy theorist realizing that chemtrails aren’t really brainwashing us. Filled with lines that aimed to strike fear into our hearts, we were greeted with Incredible Hulk-levels of fear-mongering rage that ended with him screaming, “You know who you are, and we’re coming to get you.”

Congressman Steve King Drops White Supremacy Like It’s Hot (It’s Not)

It’s no secret that some Americans have a soft spot for racism, and that those same Americans sometimes end up becoming politicians. So, it was only a matter of time until said racism reared its ugly head at the RNC. Enter Congressman Steve King. The Republican white guy went full KKK and not only called non-white people “subgroups” but also went on to say that only white Christians have contributed to society. Hey King, here’s a helpful list of some of the many inventions that people of color have given to society—including religion.

Donald Trump Realized That He Wasn’t Competing at Wrestlemania

With a fog machine and the music of “We Are The Champions” playing (who wants to explain to him that the song is about the LGBTQ community overcoming the HIV crisis?), Donald Trump arrived at the RNC with the swagger of someone ready to compete at Wrestlemania. Of course, Trump has already been in the wrestling ring more than once, which probably explains why he conducts his campaign with as much flair as fake-fighting someone in tights.

Women Pack The Conference Hall For the “Women For Trump” Panel

Okay, we’re joking. Of the 17 people watching it, literally none were there willingly. It was like Taken but nobody could save them, which is how we’re starting to feel about this election.

Stay tuned to Milk for more from the Republican National Convention.

Images via Mic. 

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