A Closer Look At The New Emoji Update
With 184 new emojis on the Apple iOS 9.1, you’re probably getting some weird as hell, head-scratching emoji combinations. Now, with the much petitioned for “Taco” and ”Middle Finger” emoji appearing on our keyboards, Apple is listening to what we want. And what do we want? An obliteration of the written language, with all words to be replaced by cartoon-ish hieroglyphics!
As typing full sentences becomes more and more passé, our emoji-based communication needs to expand. This means we get some weird as hell emojis in our update. Here are our picks for the best, weirdest, and most useless emojis in Apple’s new emoji roster.
There’s so many uses for the crab emoji! It can be used to represent being crabby, or maybe having a crab dinner! But we think it’ll most likely be used for STD-related purposes.
Man In A Business Suit Levitating
Why does this emoji exist? No one knows. Personally, I think it should be turned into some kind of shorthand for when an annoying guy is hitting on you at a bar and you need to get away. It could also be used for describing episodes of The X-Files. We want to believe.
Is this for all your spirited conversations about Ancient Greek pottery? Or for inviting people to your roommate’s avant-garde play with a Greek chorus? It’s also applicable when you’re in need of some low-fat yogurt.
Before it becomes commonplace, let us declare that Hot Pepper is the new Fire. Want to say that something/someone is hot as fuck? The Hot Pepper is there for you. It’s also very helpful if you eat a lot of Mexican food.
This face is strangely mocking and perturbing. The only context to use it in seems to be to communicate the phrase “It’s payday, BITCH!” But, as we’re not all characters on Breaking Bad, we don’t see a ton of uses for it. Bitch better have my money?
There are so many possible meanings of the unicorn emoji. Hopefully you’re using it because you spotted an actual unicorn — but we won’t hold our breath. This is a great and easy way to say that anything and everything is as magical and majestic as a unicorn, which is to say super magical and majestic.
This emoji isn’t ridiculous just because it exists, it’s ridiculous because there’s already an emoji for “Foggy.” Apparently, dropping a “g” and “y” is reason for a completely new emoji. And it just looks like a gray box anyways.
Apparently Apple is super into umbrellas, because now we have five emojis to tell people, “Hey, it’s raining. Don’t forget your umbrella!” Which is basically the only use for the umbrella emoji in the first place.
Yet another emoji perfectly primed for sexting. We see you Apple!
All images via Apple
Stay tuned to Milk for more thoughts and feelings about emojis.