Definitely an accurate rendering of Kim Jong-Un with his clothes off.



Visit North Korea For A Hangover-Free Liquor

The cold war between North Korea and South Korea has been insane lately, what with South Korea blaring K-pop across the border, and North Korea responding with a barrage of propagandistic balloons—all amid claims that North Korea has, once again, developed effective nuclear weapons. Managing all of these headlines has got to give you a hell of a headache. Which is why we breathed a collective sigh of relief earlier today, when the country announced that it had developed hangover-less liquor for its many captive citizens to enjoy.

The drink, called Koryo Liquor, tweaks the popular Soju, a rice-based liquor, with ginseng extract in order to achieve its pain-free status. According to Jong Hwa Sun of the state-run Pyongyang Times, the liquor replaces sugar with “boiled and scorched glutinous rice,” lending the drink a “suave” flavor “highly appreciated by experts and lovers.” Supposedly, all of this adds up to a drink with between 30 and 40 percent alcohol content that yields zero hangover. The news, combined with North Korea’s surprisingly developed micro-brew culture, gives Pyongyang’s alcoholics reason to celebrate. Unfortunately, Koryo Liquor, alongside prison camps, and the Kim family, is a North Korean exclusive. Guess we’ll have to take them at their word.

The announcement came with this low-rez image of Koryo Liquor, whose packaging reflects "national flavor."
The announcement came with this low-res image of Koryo Liquor, whose packaging reflects “national flavor.”

Just as Kim Jong-Un is North Korea’s miracle leader, having won 100% of the one-name ballot election, ginseng is North Korea’s miracle drug. Consider Kumdang-2, the ginseng-based injection that cures AIDS, MERS, as well as other lesser-known afflictions such as “spontaneous gangrene.” In 2010, the country even offered the Czech Republic 20 tons of ginseng as a way of paying off some of its 10 million dollar debt. Prague politely declined the roots. We’ve all got our preferred remedies—ginger, apple cider vinegar, binges of Gilmore Girls—but North Korea’s ginseng mania seems too far beyond the realm of reality.

The claim is likely bogus, but without any drinkers in North Korea to report back, we cannot be sure. Unless you plan on booking a trip to Pyongyang, you’ll have to shake your post-bender blues like the rest of us, with a couple of Ibuprofen and a half-gallon of Gatorade.

Stay tuned to Milk for more hangover helpers.

Collage by Kathryn Chadason

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