The Ultimate Beauty Guide to Looking Hot While High
It’s 4/20—that special day when stoners discover just how much weed is too much weed and non-stoners consume one too many weed caramels, and then, after some unforgiving introspection, vow to never be chill again.
A day of laughter, of merriment, of respite, and relief, and of “Xxplosive” peaking on Spotify. But mostly, it’s a day filled with peer pressure; a day of sitting on couches with friends and people you’ve never met in sustained, heavy, and rather haunting silences; and a day of trying to figure out how to order food without engaging in any human contact.
For the weed newbs out there, getting high can be an earth-shattering experience in which all inhibitions, composure, and the ability to determine when you’re full are lost. But smoking doesn’t have to mean reverting to a wordless, childlike, barely potty-trained state. It can be calm, it can be composed, and goddamnit it, it can be pretty! So wake up your friend next to you and start taking notes—this is how you can still look hot while high.
Papers Keep You Fresh
“Look at me now,” Chris Brown once crooned. “I’m getting paper. Oh, look at me now. Yeah, fresher than a motherfucker.” And while we’re not usually ones to quote human stains on America, these lyrics do speak to an important step to maintaining hotness while high—papers. Reprehensible manchild though he may be, Chris Brown, in this case, was right; papers—as opposed to Swisher Sweets, Dutch Masters, Cigarillos, what have you—do indeed keep you fresher than a motherfucker. And Milk Makeup’s Roll + Blot papers, even more so.
Yes, all papers will make your smoking a much smoother, less harsh, and more pleasant experience, but not all rolling papers have the added bonus of picking up face oil along the way. A tip? While your friends engage in competitive joint rolling today, help them (and your face) by storing multiple papers on your face. Then, when they inevitably misplace their stash, you can swoop in like the non-shiny savior that you are.
Be Aware, But Not Too Aware
Looking at yourself in the mirror while high can be scary and—I won’t sugarcoat it—downright dangerous. The goal is to look long enough to spot an unwelcome booger, but not so long that you end up counting every single one of your mustache hairs and considering eyelid surgery. It’s a fine line and a difficult balance to find, but made much easier with a pocket mirror. As opposed to the average expansive, body-swallowing mirror, a pocket mirror gives you the freedom to clean up little facial mishaps, and to then flip your wrist and turn it right over as soon as your face begins to morph into something resembling an alien.
Smoke Your Way to Blazeville With a Face Mask
Being the land of the hot and the blazed, reaching Blazeville is always the ultimate goal, but not particularly the easiest to attain. And yet, face masks. Really, there’s no more efficient way to reach Blazeville than with a face mask—and no better time to slap on a face mask than while smoking! According to Dermalogica’s director of education Annet King, most of the damage done to your skin from smoking occurs during the exhale, when your skin is exposed to what she calls the “toxic cloud.” Smoke while wearing some sort of sheet mask, however, and your face will be shrouded from the harmful effects of both smoke and confrontation. Because now, not only is less of your skin exposed to that “toxic cloud,” but you’re also barely recognizable. And when you’re high, about to pass your dad on the street—well, anonymity comes in handy.
Ash Your Way to a Smokey Eye
Not to be confused with getting smoke in your eye—hazardous, tearful, and not at all hot—the literal smokey eye is like a one-way ticket to Tulum in 2001: cheap, probably not the cleanest, but definitely hot. And, conducive to lazy stoners, it’s the perfect way to top off your 4/20. Simply take the ash that you would normally dump into the nearest ash tray or belly button, and sprinkle it into your hand instead. Then, with one finger, dab the ash like you saw that dewy, plump, German humanoid once do while lost in the skincare department of Saks. And then swipe that ash onto those lids.
Try Not To Be Too Weird
Just as real life is not like the movies, so too is the experience of smoking not as flawless and chill as Rihanna makes it out to be. Sure, smoking can be fun—it can be silly! giddy! beatific! But it can also be awkward, uncomfortable, and introspective. No matter what anyone tells you, nothing can distract from a weird high move—no matter how dewy your cheeks or shiny your Cupid’s bow. You could have the gravity defying tits of Emrata, and you’ll still look weirder than Jared Leto with bleached eyebrows trying to shut off your lamp with your remote. Ditto watching NY1 on mute. Remember: at the very least, feign brain cells.
Photography by Mitchell McLennan
Creative Direction by Paul Bui and Georgie Greville
Makeup: Rie Tsukui
Hair: William Schaedler
Model: Amanda Musacchia